Two years ago, I couldn’t wait to be older. I couldn’t wait for my life to finally be mine with responsibility to other people taking a back seat. I couldn’t wait for me to meet that person I’ll spend the rest of my life with because all these fuckboys are just a complete waste of my time. I knew I was wasting my time and I felt like that kind of fun is already enough.
And now I’m here. A couple of months away from my sister’s college graduation, a few years away from welcoming (?) my dad into our lives again. Has it really been six years already since the time I last saw him at home?
I can feel that the time where we can finally rise up from this chaos is so near. So close, I can taste it in the air. My heart skips a beat every time I think about it in anticipation.
Still, when that time comes, I’ll be what? 30? Older, even? The A-type in me can’t help but feel disappointed. At 26, I imagined myself getting weekly trips to the spa, spending a week out of the country with my friends, and being able to eat at a Korean barbecue whenever I god damn want.
No matter how many inspirational quotes I read, the feeling of disappointment never goes away. Regrets creep up. ‘I should never have spent all the money for something I didn’t really need.’ ‘I should have tried harder in college.’
Don’t get me wrong, it isn’t an eats me up and keeps me up at night kind of pain. More like sneakily crawling to you while you’re browsing your Facebook News Feed kind of thing.
There are just #dark days where life slaps you in the face in the form of birthday greetings to a friend reminding you that ‘hey, you’re older than her, grandma.’
No matter how much you tell yourself that people move at different paces and even if you remind yourself of the things you should be grateful for and how much you have really achieved despite the circumstances… you will still feel inadequate.
L I S T E N I N G to James Reid’s Palm Dreams. GRABE MUMSHIES DI KO KERI TO MAGTA-TAGALOG TALAGA AKO. ETO TALAGA RASON BAT BIGLA AKONG NAPA-POST EH. Ang ganda sobraaa?????? Personal faves would be On Top, Cool Down, IL2LU, Down Low, The Life… CHAROT LAHAT PALA! Grabe James. 😥 I’m so proud of u. Pakinggang niyo na guys dalian niyo.
Runner-ups for would be HAIM’s Something To Tell You (di ko pa nad-digest kasi biglang lumabas yung Palm Dreams eh) and Phoenix’s Ti Amo.
F R E A K I N GO U TO V E R our trip to Cebu! It’s going to be my first time on a plane so I will totally act like a kid over everything! Our itinerary still isn’t ironed out so I’ll have to work that out. We do have all our Airbnbs and hotel rooms booked so at least we will have a place to stay for sure. The only con we have with our trip is that WE WILL MISS THE SEASON PREMIERE OF GAME OF THRONES. Here’s to hoping that our Airbnb has HBO.
C R A V I N G Zy’s mashed potatoes. I just ate sinigang (thank u lord #blessed) but why am I hungry again??
W O R K I N G on my papers so I can go back to school. GRABE 27 UNITS NA LANG PALA AKO? I hate my young self for being so stupid but I know that everything happens for a reason. With fingers crossed, I’ll get my readmission done by Tuesday.
W A T C H I N G The Fate of the Furious but then Zy fell asleep. We just finished Cube which was super frustrating especially since Zy wouldn’t let me wiki it in the middle of the movie. Rick and Morty’s season two is also in my to-do list.
(S T I L L?) P L A Y I NG Everwing. How can I not when Zy plays it all the time? I still haven’t evolved a dragon with the same sign. 😥
S U B S C R I B E DT O channels of Andi Manzano and Mikael Daez. Yung kay Mikael Daez si Megan Young lang talaga pinupunta ko dun eh. Haha.
W O N D E R I N G if Okja is as good as the reviews it’s been getting. My brain is not yet prepared, I think??
P R O M O T I N G my own vlogs! The Happy Eyes are back and we’re venturing out to vlogging HAHAHAHAHAHA
She took out all of her books and checked each one if her past-self dog-eared any pages which meant a homework was supposed to be done. A bunch of papers crumpled inside her bag (why is it that she’s so against throwing trash from school in school?) and she checked if anything important was written on them. Pens and pencils were inspected and sharpened; and then, she got to work.
The house smelled like tuyo and she’s willing to bet that the next thing hitting the pan would be scrambled eggs with tomatoes. May it be sinangag and leftover sinigang from last night (a deadly and delicious combo) or suman rolled in sugar or even just tustadong pandesal dipped in coffee – weekend breakfasts are always the best.
Stevie Wonder blasting from the living room component meant it’s a Sunday morning. Her muscles ached from the general cleaning that happened yesterday – bathroom floor scrubbed clean, bookshelves rearranged and dusted, and closets cleaned out and organized. She burrowed further under the covers, repositioning her feet away from the patch of bed warmed by the sunlight streaming through the window. Can’t just the weekend stay here forever?
December so far has been pretty good for me and Zy. Very good kami sa work–I got accepted as an apprentice for Quality (QA) and she conducted sales training to other managers.
I also finally learned some Excel skills! I had to because the QA post involved an Excel exam which went okay. It was super difficult but I found it enjoyable (nerd) since it’s been a while since I was faced by a challenge that I can’t talk my way out of. Skill talaga eh. The exam was probably 15 questions and I think I answered 10 correctly. Haha!
Here’s a vlog (WOAAAAH VLOG???) of what happened these past few days: