I miss you as a friend.
It sucks that I have to add those three words for it to be proper. God forbid you could actually just miss a person and everything that they bring with them: the memories, the hurt, the friendship. It sucks that we have to separate the time when we were just friends from the time I confessed to you that I liked you but then didn’t like me back. Can’t I just miss both?
Weirdly enough, it’s not just that I miss. I miss what could have been: our celebration of your first grown-up job (with our other friends, of course), our date in Chinatown where we had the best dimsum ever, and our lazy day spent in front of the TV where you fell asleep on my lap with me stroking your hair absentmindedly. It’s crazy. I mean, how can you miss something that never happened?
The missing-you feeling never comes in big waves. Just small nudges or prods from old memories. There are no fat tears that leak from my eyes but a small but piercing pang in my heart.
I know it sounds incredibly cheesy but losing you made me stronger. I’ve experienced terrible heartaches before you but the pain from you leaving left a huge hole in my life. Sometimes, I still couldn’t believe that you had the willingness (strength? audacity? balls?) to just erase people from your life.
You will always be the one that got away in all sense of the word. You got away as a lover, as a friend, and just as someone whom I could talk to from time to time. The possibility of us talking is incredibly slim with your job away from the city and your hermit tendencies. You might as well have disappeared from this planet.
It’s been two years since I’ve last seen you.
I was going down from the steps of the pedestrian overpass when I caught sight of you. You were wearing that same old purple long-sleeved polo you wore in college. Your hair was short, kind of like that stupid nerd boy hair you had.
In what seemed like a typical and cliche movie slow motion scene, your eyes sweep the busy road: from the lack of jeepneys, to the street vendor at the foot of the stairs, and then to the look of surprise on my face.
Your lips curved in to a small smile.
Writing 101: Day Four – Today, write about a loss. The twist: make this the first post in a three-post series.