I know we’ve been through so much. Years of blog-worthy moments, crazy antics, inside jokes and an infinite number of memories with each other. I will be forever grateful for what we have. You know that, right?
It’s just that lately… I’ve felt like we’re drifting apart. Like we’re living on different planets. Sometimes, it felt like we’re speaking different languages as well.
Or maybe just me. It’s just me who can’t understand you.
I tried to make this work, I really did. Remember that day when we last spent time with each other? I bet you did. The air was so thick with so much awkwardness you could probably cut through it with a knife. I had NOTHING to say to you. And I guess you had nothing to say, too. When did it get like that? I racked my brain for something to say. Anything. I never did that when I was with you before. But now, I did.
I tried to make conversation, did you notice that? I tried bringing up old topics, tried to get some new (or any, really) insight from you. But you gave me nothing. It was like you’re just mirroring everything I say or just repeat whatever you said before.
After all those years of thinking that we’re two peas in a pod it’s like a slap on my face to realize that we’re so different from each other. I’m so frustrated with some parts of you that make you you.
That makes me sound like a really shitty person, doesn’t it? Maybe I am. I mean, I don’t think a normal person would have these thoughts in the first place. What’s that quote from Juno? Yadayada accepting all the ugly parts of a person. AGH
I don’t think we were friends… ever. It’s just that we got mixed with the same group of people that we just had to be friends because the alternative (us being NOT friends) would just be too messy. We had moments, I won’t deny that. It’s just that bad moments outweighed the good ones. Remember when you played the role of the BEST FRIEND EVER during that time when I really needed a friend? I do. I never forgot that.
Now, you’re so wrapped up in your own world with your boyfriend it seems like you’re forgetting your friends. LOOK, I KNOW COUPLES GET IN TO THAT PHASE WHERE THEY SPEND 24/7 WITH THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS BUT I THINK WE’RE WAY PAST THAT.
And is it just me (it isn’t, I asked some of our friends) but it seems like you’re always trying to prove something? To whom? I don’t know, to your parents, us, to your ex or maybe even yourself. Life is like an endless competition for you and I don’t want to compete anymore. I’m done.
At first, I tried to tell myself that this is just one of the bumps on the road we had to get through. It’s not. It’s something really serious and I can’t ignore it anymore.
I feel like we should break up. Don’t you feel it too? Aren’t you exhausted with keeping up appearances, trying to pretend we still have some semblance of friendship when we don’t? I am. I’m so exhausted. Being with you was easy but now it’s like a chore for me. I dread the moment when we spend some alone time together. I used to get so excited because we both got loads of stories to tell. Now, I’d rather go home than spend some time with you.
I’m so sorry. I didn’t know this would happen. I thought we’d be friends forever but I guess we’ve ran out of things to say to each other.
It’s difficult to hold on to something that’s not even there anymore.
You all deserve better than me.