Team Jake, Team Matty, and Team MAKE UP YOUR DAMN MIND, JENNA

The third season of Awkward finally premiered today and I think it’s high time for that long overdue Jake vs. Matty blog entry. I never liked Matty. First episode in, I hated him. “But Redg! How can you NOT like him when he’s so cute and handsome and..” JUST STOP RIGHT THERE.

Why do I hate Matty McKibben? Let me count the ways.

ARGH
ARGH
  1. He sniffs his armpits. I mean, I know this is supposed to be funny because it’s a ~comedy~ but, MTV, that shit is fucking disgusting. I want to smack Jenna in the head for even thinking it’s endearing. It’s not. Stop doing it.
  2. He represents all the sex-crazed boys in the world. HE DOESN’T EVEN KNOW JENNA AND HE BANGED HER IN THE JANITOR’S SUPPLY CLOSET. Well, that’s romantic. That’s crazy.
  3. You know, I would’ve let the ‘having-sex-with-her-at-camp’ act slide if he acted like a DECENT HUMAN BEING afterwards. Alas, he does not. Instead, he only talks to Jenna when he knows that no one is watching and dismisses her as a summer fling. I mean, I know you probably have issues, Matty, but you should’ve worked them out BEFORE STICKING YOUR GODDAMN PENIS IN TO SOMEONE ELSE’S VAGINA, YOU ASSHOLE.
  4. He isn’t even that attractive! He looks good but that’s it. I think the fact that he’s The Most Popular Guy made him instantaneously ten times hotter even if he isn’t.
  5. I think he’s stupid. Like, academically, stupid. I don’t have the necessary evidence for this but it makes a whole lot of sense. Awkward is playing on the stereotypical roles in high school and if Jake is the Mr. Nice Guy class president bibo-kid type then Jake must be the cocky ‘good-looking’ guy who doesn’t have a brain. It’s basically canon.

That’s five reasons already and I’m just on the Pilot episode. Don’t get me started on how he stringed Jenna along for the entire first season. And Jake?

  1. Jake is just the cutest, nicest, most awkward guy in school and it’s fucking adorable. It hurts just to look at him. 😦 I can’t take this cuteness.

    LUV U
    LUV U
  2. Jenna can engage in an ACTUAL conversation with Jake whereas she only bumps nether regions with Matty. THEY ARE SO PERFECT TOGETHER.
     CAN I JUST
    CAN I JUST
    i can't do this
    i can’t do this

     

  3. Jake ain’t no saint. He’s also a horny teenager who wanted to bang his girlfriend but he waited because she was waiting. (Well, sort of.) And the best part is when he WALKED AWAY WHEN LISSA OFFERED HER ASS.
  4. Jake was so romantic when Jenna wanted to have sex HE EVEN DECORATED HIS MOM’S MINIVAN FOR HER. THANK YOU JAKE FOR SHOWING US HOW ROMANCE IS DONE.
  5. Jake’s awkwardness and nervousness on how to make Jenna happy goes to show how much he really does want to make her happy. 😦 Remember how nervous he was on their Valentine’s date? A-D-O-R-A-B-L-E.
  6. Jake respected Jenna’s decision when she picked Matty. Thank you, Jake for not being like Matty who, not only hid the fact that he banged Jenna before Matty but actually tried to sabotage Jake/Jenna. CAN WE ALSO PLEASE REMEMBER THAT MATTY IS SUPPOSED TO BE JAKE’S ‘BEST FRIEND’. Yeah, what a friend.

My love for Jake Rosati will never die despite the fact that he is now dating the very annoying (and funny) Tamara Kaplan. THANK YOU MTV, FOR SINKING THE JAKE/JENNA SHIP BY PAIRING HIM UP WITH JUST ANYONE.

And can we discuss how indecisive Jenna is? I didn’t throw a temper tantrum when she picked Matty because, hey, I know someone’s not getting picked and at least she finally chose someone. BUT TO DOUBT YOURSELF ONCE AGAIN, AND WONDER IF YOU CHOSE CORRECTLY MOMENTS AFTER YOU SAW YOUR BEST FRIEND SUCKING FACE WITH YOUR EX? Dog in the manger much, Jenna?

(SPOILERS AHEAD FOR 3RD SEASON’S EP1 AND 2)

All of these second thoughts get pushed away in the first two episodes of the 3rd season, though. It didn’t even make Jenna’s blog! Which is wrong because you don’t just drop a bomb like that and pretend it never happened. Instead we get a pregnancy scare, Tamara’s new haircut and a (very unnecessary) death of a school mate.

OH NO YOU DON’T MTV. JENNA HAD THOSE SECOND THOUGHTS. LET HER FACE THEM, OKAY.

Also, if Jake turns in to an annoying little bitch because of Tamara I WILL JUST ARGHHHHHHHH (more incoherent noises) Stop making Jake OOC!

On the upside, Tegan and Sara’s Goodbye, Goodbye was played in the 2nd episode. I am a happy lady.

A WEEK IS TOO LONG TO WAIT.

HAY
HAY
huhuhu
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