I want to talk to you tonight. Tonight. As in right at this very moment, I want to talk to you about your life and how you have been and then I’ll tell you about my life and how boring it is. We’ll laugh about something funny and I’ll say something like “I’m glad we could do this again..” and you’ll just give me a small smile and say something like “Me too..” Or maybe you won’t say anything at all. But I still know what’s on your mind and what you’d like to say because you’re you and I’m me and this is us.
I want you to tell me how happy you are with her and I’m not being sarcastic here okay? I am genuinely happy that you’re happy and I want you to know that from me. I want to tell you what kind of assholes and jerks I’ve met ever since you and how I’m so tired with this quest for a relationship. I would tell you that I think that I’m not made for a relationship and you’ll give me advice because you know me so well and know how I really am. We would update each other on our love lives (or in my case, my lack of) and that wouldn’t be weird for us at all because you’re you and I’m me and this is us.
I want to cry to you about my family issues for a while. Just a quick sob and then I want to know how your family is, like are you guys doing okay? Sometimes, I hate that I can’t be part of your support group who knows everything (YES I WANT TO KNOW EVERYTHING BECAUSE I AM A CONTROL FREAK) 24/7. I want to help (if you need it). I still want to be part of your inner circle who knows stuff like that because you’re part of mine despite us not talking all the time. You know that, right? Of course you do because you’re you and I’m me and this is us.
I want to do something crazy for you to notice me. I want to crack a corny joke so you’ll hopefully take notice. Sometimes, I get this urge to do something douche-y like pick a fight with you or do something I know would tick you off just so you’ll notice me. I used to be in that phase but now, I don’t do anything, of course, because you’re you and I’m me and this is us.
Sometimes, I feel like you also want to talk to me but then I don’t do anything about it because it’d be nice if it were you doing the douche-y actions and weird things just so I’ll notice you. Yeah, I’m still the needy bitch whose guts you hate. But that’s okay because you’re you and I’m me and this is us.
The thought of what we are now vs. what we were before makes me smile sadly but it’s okay because you’re you and I’m me and this is us.
And this will never change. At least, I hope it doesn’t.