Top Five Thoughts About The First Chapter of Fifty Shades of Grey
- Ugh, why am I reading this?
- WHAT AM I READING?
- This actually got published?
- Blonde Number One and Two? Seriously, what is this? A blog entry?
- Oh yeah, I love adjectives.
I first heard about Fifty Shades of Grey from my very trustworthy and reliable all-things-pop-culture adviser, Tammy. I think she just mentioned it in passing… along with the phrases “mommy porn” and “Twilight fanfic”.
After a while, it started to gain a lot of attention from people online. Swoons about how amazing Christian Grey was and how he’s just so handsome filled my Twitter and Facebook timeline. Wow, this book’s made it. The Internet is a good success indicator for anything. Once you get talked about online, well, congratulations.
So I downloaded a PDF copy of the book just to find out what the fuss is all about. …
… And I found out nothing. Nothing, as in, there is absolutely nothing to fuss about this book. I remember one of my professors telling the class that if a book doesn’t catch your attention in the first ten pages, then it’s not worth reading. The first ten pages of Fifty Shades included unentertaining descriptions of a an office building and a blundering girl who seems to blush at practically everything.
And even if Tammy never told me it started out as a fanfic, I still would’ve thought that it did because of how badly written the book is. And people are ctually going cray-cray about this?
Okay, I’m just going to say it, I actually enjoyed Twilight betten than Fifty Shades. At least I felt that warm fuzzy feeling known as kilig during Edward and Bella’s delicious tango between I Want You and I Might Kill You. The best part about stories of Forbidden Love is the little dance prior to the relationship itself and this book just skipped that crucial part altogether (or just pulled it off very badly).
I finally read the first sex scene and my verdict is Meh, I’ve Read Hotter and Better Written Fanfics Than This.
On the BDSM theme, I do not see the attraction. Hindi nakakakilig si Christian Grey. 😦 He exudes this creepy DOM vibe and if he showed me his playroom with his toys I would be out of there in a heartbeat, laughing my head off. It’s not that I don’t like reading stuff with BDSM, (um, hello LoVeathons Livejournal Community) but it’s just portrayed in such a comical way that I can’t take it seriously. I mean, seriously? A contract? Fucking nuts.
This will probably NOT be the last time I would write about this since I’m just halfway on finishing the novel but I just wanted to get this out because OH MY GOD PEOPLE WHY DO YOU READ THIS STUFF. And yes, I still I want to finish reading this so that I’d get bashing rights.