I usually wake up at around 11AM. Instead of going downstairs and eating breakfast, I open my laptop and blast Broken Social Scene’s Lover’s Spit. I lie on my bed in a fetal position hugging my hotdog-shaped pillow, thinking about how fucking pathetic and sad my life is.
I eat a lot or don’t eat at all. One time, I ate two bars of Hershey’s Milk Chocolate in one sitting. That’s after finishing a whole box of Milo cereals. There was also that day where I just ate Cheez Whiz sandwiches in the morning and just slept the whole day. I woke up at around 9PM and then ate a few more sandwiches again.
On the rare occasion that I wake up early, I go on a cleaning spree. I’m like a madman with a broom in one hand and a rag in another. I throw out useless stuff, clean the bathroom, arrange my books and organize my closet. When the sadness is really bad, I even go as far as fixing my sister’s mess. And that’s saying something, since my sister is the main reason why our room is liek a pigsty.
I watch a shit ton of movies and TV shows. I always feel a little bit sad when I turn off the DVD player because I know that when I’m not being distracted by Kristen Bell being adorable and Jeff Winger’s hotness my mind would automatically switch to “Sad Mode” and there’s no escaping the Why is this happening to me? and Why am I so stupid and the I can’t believe I fell for it again what the hell did I do to to deserve this? and other stupid and unanswerable questions.
I sleep all day and cry all night. It’s soothing. It’s like I’m letting everything out, even the feelings I can’t put in to words or can’t explain to my friends.
I go out with my friends to “go have fun” and “forget about my problems”. Let’s be honest though, when the sun sets and the TV is turned off it’s my moment to rant and cry about how fucking depressed (and angry, I’m almost always angry) I am. It’s a big bonus if I’m with friends who like to drink alcohol. ‘Cause hey, it always feels so much better to shout profanities when drunk.
I try to let everything out by writing an entry for my blog.