You know it’s time that we grow old and do some shit. (Broken Social Scene, Lover’s Spit)

What happened to the selfish bitch who did what she wanted in high school?

I used to be the kind of person who did what she wanted and didn’t care what other people would think. I still am that person, sometimes. I write passionate and angry blog entries about my dysfunctional and messy family and my ex-turned-friend-turned-WTF without even thinking that someone from my family could read it or that there’s a possibility that my ex-turned-friend-turned-WTF and I could have a long and angry text tirade.

I do what I want to let my feelings out but I don’t do anything that would make me happy. I chickened out. What happened to me? What happened to “Fuck everyone, I’ll make myself happy!”? When did I start being cautious?

I can’t believe I lost that part of me. I always give the “If you’re not going to pursue your happiness, who will?” pep talk to my friends but I didn’t even realize that I wasn’t doing anything to make myself happy. (ILANG BESES KO NA BA SINASABI NA DI KO PINAPASAYA SARILI KO?? Okay.) Since when did I start caring about other people’s feelings? Since when did I start restraining myself?

Also, why does everyone need to act like mature adults? Why can’t we make obnoxious and insensitive remarks to people? Why can’t I write a profanity-filled entry instead of this vague shit that no one will get?


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