What happened to the selfish bitch who did what she wanted in high school?
I used to be the kind of person who did what she wanted and didn’t care what other people would think. I still am that person, sometimes. I write passionate and angry blog entries about my dysfunctional and messy family and my ex-turned-friend-turned-WTF without even thinking that someone from my family could read it or that there’s a possibility that my ex-turned-friend-turned-WTF and I could have a long and angry text tirade.
I do what I want to let my feelings out but I don’t do anything that would make me happy. I chickened out. What happened to me? What happened to “Fuck everyone, I’ll make myself happy!”? When did I start being cautious?
I can’t believe I lost that part of me. I always give the “If you’re not going to pursue your happiness, who will?” pep talk to my friends but I didn’t even realize that I wasn’t doing anything to make myself happy. (ILANG BESES KO NA BA SINASABI NA DI KO PINAPASAYA SARILI KO?? Okay.) Since when did I start caring about other people’s feelings? Since when did I start restraining myself?
Also, why does everyone need to act like mature adults? Why can’t we make obnoxious and insensitive remarks to people? Why can’t I write a profanity-filled entry instead of this vague shit that no one will get?