On falling in love with the wrong person (Part Two)

It’s true that you fall for the people you never expected to fall for. They’re the people whom you thought will always be in the Friends Zone. The ones who will never be available for you. The ones who say I love you to you whenever you have problems and you never thought any of it because they were never in The List of People That Could Possibly Be The Love of My Life.

At first, you don’t realize it. You just want to see him everyday. You just like talking to him and goofing around more than the usual.

Then, you have this internal debate with yourself. It would probably go like this:

Rational You: No, you’re just friends with him! There is no way you like him.
Irrational You: If you’re so sure, then why are you talking to me?
Rational You: (ignores other self) I don’t like him. (Insert a dealbreaker reason here, like he’s gay or he’s got a long-time girlfriend or he’s twenty years older)
Irrational You: I know that already. But why are you extremely happy when he’s around?
Rational You: Well, he’s my friend–
Irrational You: And why are you extremely pissed off when he’s not? Why do you always want to sit next to him? Why did you smile uncontrollably when he told you that he loved you?
Rational You: He…he said that as a friend, of course. That was nothing! That was just.. oh fuck you.

So you accept it. You admit to yourself that, as crazy as it might sound, you like like (you refuse to use the word love) this person. You’ve got to be really careful. If someone discovers your secret, you’re dead. You will be forever marked as the bitch who fell for your gay friend or with your friend’s long-time boyfriend or with some guy who’s twenty years older. Or as the bitch who fell in love with your friend’s long time boyfriend who’s twenty years older. Who turned out to be gay.

So you fight another battle.


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