I never thought this would happen to me.
It seems so surreal. I only cried about this once; I bawled about it to my friends online on the night of my birthday. I don’t know whether I should laugh hysterically or cry miserably about the fact that all of this crap happened on my birthday.
I may have turned twenty but, that night, I felt like I aged another decade because of all the stress, pressure and responsibility that was forcibly given to me. I was not ready. I still am not. I’m just twenty fucking years old. I should be going home at 3AM, drunk and smelling like cigarettes and vomit. I’m supposed to cut class and cram desperately in my academics. I’m supposed to go have flings and hook-ups and (maybe) a few serious relationships.
I know it’s not nice to complain. I’m now one of the main pillars in this family and I have a responsibility to keep it standing strong despite all these issues and crap. Sometimes, I feel like it’s just easier to give up and act like my age for once.
My life seems to be something that’s taken out from a TV show or a movie. I feel like I’m watching my life unfold in to this mess and that main character (which is me, duh) is trying to get everything back to normal.
But it will never be normal. It will never be back to the same way as before.