On NOT being drunk and texting your ex.

After a few shots and anecdotes about our very fucked up relationship back then, everyone was looking down at their phones, texting. Before I knew it, I ignored all the red warning signs in my head and started to text you.

The higher power above (or below, whatever) must hate me a lot. The fact that you were just one 100 peso cab ride away from me that night drove me crazy. My attempts to convince you to drop by where we were (with a few helpful texts from our friend) were futile. The words “Ayaw ako payagan” came up and that was what made me lose my shit.

Looking back, I can say you were pretty much an obedient girlfriend. You really were. The only problem back then was I never told you to do (or not to do) anything. I wanted you to sacrifice things (like NOT texting your crush) voluntarily and not just because I told you not to. I was a pretty lax girlfriend because I felt like if I tied you down (metaphorically, of course, doing that literally would be all kinds of hot) you would want to get away fast.

It took a lot of willpower to not throw a hissy fit after reading “Ayaw ako payagan” (okay, or something along those lines, I deleted our conversation already). A bajillion thoughts ran through my head. Was your girlfriend actually telling you that you shouldn’t drop by? Or were you doing it voluntarily? Either way, both scenarios drove me crazy; being the sarcastic and tactless bitch that I really am, I made a few remarks that probably reminded you why you broke up with me.

It worked. You got mad and got the final say. I didn’t have a strong argument so I just let the conversation die– possibly along with the only chance of us being friends again.

Our little text message showdown still bothers me tonight and this would probably last a while. Goddamn my conscience and the good side inside me missing you.

I’m not sorry for what I said, though. For the record, I wasn’t drunk. I knew what I said and I wanted to say it. It just sucks that I’m being bothered by this when you probably don’t give a rat’s ass about me. As always.

I need to stop being dramatic.

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